Life has never been enough for me; I have always needed more. When you stay in one place for a long time, you will slowly start to resemble your surroundings. Therefore, I have spent my life moving around. However, this time has been the longest for me to stay in one place. But, it has never been real for me. For the time being, I faked my existence; a life with a fake reality. The name was not mine, the blood in my veins was colorless and the face I carry with me was shapeless. And, what kept me sane within this falseness was this new routine that I have developed. When the whole world falls into darkness, I just stand by my window and I watch people. Somehow, watching them reminded me of who I really am. It helped me stay whole. Every time I see the details of life on their faces, I know that this not enough. This life is not enough!
He is sitting across me; the cigarette burning his lips and misting the space between us. It has been a long silent hour, since I opened the door for him. I am supposed to be at Olivia’s opening at this very moment, but here I am having a silent conversation with the man who broke my walls.
“Are you happy?”
For a brief moment, our eyes meet and, it feels like two wild universes collided, and then fell into the void.
“I am writing.” is all I say.
“Ophelia! when are you going to be happy?”
“What is happiness without the pain?” The sound of my words echo through the silence. He stands up and walks to me. His Hands reach to me through the dim light of the room. His fingers touch my skin in a wave and, I feel it inside my blood; burning my veins into aches.
“You need to be happy.” he says, pulling me up so I am facing him. Eyes to eyes, breath to breath. The feeling of him is lost within me as I see me reaching him.
“I need you!” I tell him as I reach my fingers to his face, “I need you to know all my secrets. I need you to feel life through my touch. I need you to be my river; the one leading me to freedom.”
His eyes are on my lips, as I talk and his thoughts are the ashes to my fire.
“Ophelia! Ophelia!” he murmurs, his warm hands wrap my face, “Will you lay down with me?” he tells me in a whisper.
“Happiness through sadness!”
“Yes! my Ophelia .. happiness through sadness” he says, “here come with me” he pulls me with him and, we slowly place our bodies on the cold floor. We lay next to each other, letting the silent room takes us by the stars above our heads. The universe is speaking to us with butterflies. They are burning through our blood, pushing the dizziness to take us to the other side of our existence. Do we lose sight when we are in love? Do we even exist?
His fingers are lacing mine and, his face is close; I can feel his thoughts speaking to me.
“Close you eyes, Ophelia” he whispers.
I close my eyes, but I can still see him.
“The night is over,” I murmur.
“Yes! the night is over.” his voice is fading, but I can still see him.
“Will you be my infinity?” I whisper through my misty mind.
“I already am, Ophelia!” he breathes out his words into my lonely ears.
The voice of silent is louder when the world is falling apart. No sound is here but our own. There is no moment where we lay. We are infinite.
I do not know how much it took us to be limitless, but there is a loud voice outside us. My eyes to my skin and darkness is all I can touch. His fingers are gone and, when there is no feel of him around, I open my eyes.
After darkness, there is a ceiling. A white bright ceiling.
to be continued.