Foreword – When I Prayed for a Song
The day my life exploded I begged God for one thing. I didn’t beg Him to let me skip the pain that would most certainly follow; I didn’t plead for my person or relationship back; I didn’t ask Him for my job back; I didn’t ask Him for financial security; I didn’t ask Him to make it stop or turn it around or save me from despair. I asked Him to make it worth it. I knew the days, weeks, months, maybe even years in front of me would be filled with pain and questioning and doubt and tears and heartache, and I needed them to be worth it. I prayed for production; for fruit. I prayed, like David, for a song. I prayed that I would grow and be faithful to share what He did when it was over. Here’s the end of that story at the beginning: He’s faithful. That part was never in question. Whether or not I would be – that’s a different story; and with it, the true beauty of who He really is. So, on the record, here it is….
Pt. 1 – When Came the Time to Sing
When my teeny, tiny world got turned upside down I didn’t question God’s faithfulness. I knew He was still good and still in control. Don’t get me wrong – I was as mad. And I was sad – perhaps more than I’ve ever been. And I knew the road ahead would be rife with pain previously untold; but I didn’t question His sovereignty. Reality was right in front of me and I accepted it. The harder part was what to do with the rest of the mess.
What I know is true, is that I have needed to hurt and learn and grow to become better, and it has taken days turned weeks turned months of sitting with Him, reading His word, remembering His promises, accepting His discipline, repenting, praying, and communing with Him to get the production for which I prayed. He’s shown me truths about the idols of my heart and the depth of the depravity of my soul without Him. And I can’t wait to share them with you, in all their hideous, glorious truth.
St. Augustine nut shells it nicely. He was once approached by a former lover prompting a rendezvous of sexual sorts. After declining said former lover, she repealed him – “Do you not know? It is I! Don’t you recognize me?” His words in response are that which I feel daily, “Yes, I know it’s you. But it’s not me.” He had changed. So have I.
I promised Him I would share what He did. He’s answered my heart’s ultimate cry for production out of pain, and I will not grieve Him by keeping it to myself. I hope you find pieces useful to your unique situation, but keep in mind this most important truth: my story is not more moving or more unique or more gratifying or more life-changing or more remarkable than anyone else’s. It’s just mine. God has a song He’s writing in each one of us through our journeys with Him, if only we choose it. My prayer for you is that you’re encouraged to voyage out into the unknown with Him, no matter the pain in front, possess the promise He has for you, and then choose to sing.
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