Humility is hard. The trickiest part about it is that the moment you think you have it, is the moment you really don’t have it, because you think you do. Slippery little sucker, isn’t it? The hardest part about it is when God helps you learn it. Hello, why did I think that prayer was a good idea?
True story: the last time I prayed for humility I lost my job. The time before that, I told an inappropriate joke roasting a senior leader in my company, in front of other senior leaders of the company, and really should have lost my job. The time before that, I got a slideshow in my head of ten years of secret sins only God and I knew about. Learning humility is really hard. And I still don’t think I have it. And I think I’ve thought I’ve had it for a long time, and I really haven’t – like, not even close.
Another true story: pride is ugly. It’s unattractive on everyone, myself included. In teaching me humility God has allowed me to see how pride runs my life. When I’m not paying attention it makes decisions for me, rules my tongue, dictates my actions and steers my ship. When I let it, pride keeps me from trying certain things for fear of failure; keeps me from telling the whole truth for fear of rejection; and keeps me from bettering myself for fear of critique. Not cute. Certainly not adult. Clearly not fruitful.
I think in the end what He asks of us is empty hands, raised. When, in my pride, I think I have something to offer the MOST HIGH and come to His throne with my offering of good behavior, regular tithes, a submitted will, service projects, regular devotions, or heartfelt prayers, I negate His sacrifice for me. He’s already done it. He’s already covered the cost. He’s already bridged the gap. The point is for me to come with empty hands raised and say, “I got nothing.” It doesn’t mean not to do those things. It just means they can’t be a trade for saving. It’s already been done. And it was done when you and I had nothing to give. And that’s the whole point.
-N. Ford
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