“Before Life”
After darkness there is a ceiling; a white bright ceiling. My eyes are blinking in fast motions and my skin is linked to a cold concrete. The space around me is bright and inside my head there is a silent mess. I cannot remember myself. I try to move but my head is heavy and my eyes are crowded. Then one question hits me, “Did I do the deed?”
When I was borne and since the moment I opened my eyes, I decided to be endless, someone without limits. And, as I grew older, I understood that timeless is the moment when there is no moment. Timeless is to be and, at the same time to not to be. Few months after I became twenty-seven, I realized that if I want to be timeless, I have to die. For that, we live once and we die forever. Thus, I decided to die and, at this moment where there is no moment and no memories, I believe I am timeless.
Suddenly, a sharp noise disturbs my silent mind. I blink few times, before I realize that someone is knocking on my door. I look around me for the first time and, then I discover that I am in my living room. Everything around me looks fine; no sign of life, yet so alive. I move my head first, then I push on my weak arms. The knocking just became harder and someone is calling my name. I stand up as fast as my tired body allows me. “I did not die!” I murmur to myself. My heart is still beating; slow and loud. I smooth down my dress as I walk to the door, whoever is behind it will not stop knocking until I open the thing.
When I open the door, there is a woman standing before me. She looks familiar, but I cannot remember who she is. She is looking at me with eyes full of worries and she is breathing fast. In a sudden moment, she warps her arms around me.
“Eda!” She breathes out my name, “Thank God! you are fine.” I don’t move, I just keep looking at the space behind her. “I was afraid that something bad happened to you when you didn’t show up last night.” she adds as she holds me at an arm length.
Last night! I think to myself. Then, the memories hit me back. Yes! last night. I was supposed to be at Olivia’s gallery. Olivia! the woman standing before me is my friend Olivia. I look at her once again: taking in the details of her face. My friend, Olivia!
“Are you okay?” She asks with a worried tone, “You look.. distant!”
“I am fine.” I say turning on my heels, as I walk to the living room, “I am just tired.” I hear her steady steps behind me as she walks. “Tired!” she wonders. I turn around to look at her: her eyes are paging every detail in the room. I exhale slowly, “Yes! It was a busy day.” Her eyes settle on me as she find her way to the sofa.
“Why didn’t you come last night? You are already dressed up.”
I cannot remember. I feel like I lost control over my thoughts. I look away from her as I fumble with my dress.
“Don’t tell me you lost track of time while writing!” she says annoyingly. My restless eyes are losing focus and my stupid head is empty. I do not remember.
“This new Ophelia story that you are writing is taking all your time..”
Ophelia in the darkness; the voices are louder now. I am starting to remember.
“You can’t neglect your friends..” Olivia keeps speaking, but my mind is somewhere else. Now, I remember! He was here last night. His voice is inside my head. I remember!
“Eda! are you ignoring me now..” Olivia keeps speaking but, all I am hearing is his voice in my head. he was here last night. He called me Ophelia. he held my hands and asked me about what I need. I looked at him and, then I closed my eyes. I remember him repeating his question;
-“What do you need, Ophelia?”
-“I need.. I need you to break your heart and to give me mine back.” I told him.
He was really here!
-Imen
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