Maybe the world is bigger inside our heads and every step we take makes us closer to ourselves. The emotions we hold dear to our hearts are clearer when the silence is loud. I needed space to understand that nothing will ever bring him back unless I open this letter and let him live inside me forever.
O! Ophelia for you are Hamlet’s doom.
*****
My Eda, My Ophelia,
I still remember the day your eyes met mine, the moment my heart stopped beating, and the blood in my veins burned me to aches. I still remember the second my fingers brushed yours; that moment of bliss when your touch lingered on my own skin like fire. The moment you breathed into my space enough for me to inhale you. Did you know that I wanted to cage your scent inside me and never let go?
Eda! my love! my past! my present! my future! Eda! my Ophelia!
The first time I saw, we were both at the coffee shop near your apartment. You were sitting by the window; holding your cup of coffee with both hands, your hair were covering your shoulders and your lips were tight on the pen. You looked like muse from the ancient history. Your eyes were glowing! I wanted to kiss you at that very moment. You didn’t see me! you were in a trance of your own. The world seemed blur for both of us! my eyes were only on you whereas yours were devouring the papers before you. I never told you this but, our first meeting wasn’t the one you thought it was my Ophelia!
Ophelia! you have always asked me why I called you that. However, I kept denying you the answer. You are Ophelia for you are the inspiration of passion and purity. For you are the lair of your own world and the illusionist of time. For you are the woman I love but I can’t have. Yes! we were together for many years, but I never had you the way my heart desired. While my heart was all yours, you heart were full of words and papers. Still! I loved you.. I love you!
Your scent is a garden in my heart and the season is spring. You are breathing inside me Ophelia. I never forget you and I will never do. You are my universe, my unfinished story and the woman who made me see the world wider.
“Even when you are sad, you can write about happiness! Happiness at its best!” you once told me. Then, I thought to myself, maybe you are sad all the time because I am not enough! maybe you deserve better! maybe I am not the wave you need and my dear, you are an ocean! But you told me that you are the way you are because you are a sad person. I wanted to offer you rainbow and all the colors of happiness. I wanted to change you but you were unchangeable. I made the mistake and I had to leave!
I don’t want you to forget me! I know I am selfish! but I don’t want you to forget me! I want to live forever, and my dear, you are the only one that can make me infinite.
Eda! I didn’t leave because of you. I left because I don’t deserve you. I left because you are wider than the universe ahead! you are limitless like the existence itself! You were bigger than both of us combined and I didn’t want to be your chains. I didn’t want to be the borders to your dreams. Please forgive me, for making you sadder and for changing you in any way, because you are not perfect and you are flawless the way it is.
Now, I want you to go back to your home, to yourself and to be Eda… not Ophelia but Eda! I want you to take me by the heart and lead me to my end. Forget about me telling you to never forget me! I want you to pull yourself up and walk the mile to your happiness on your own. I want you to be the muse to your weakness. Be the wave to your shore and swim into the current without chains.
Live Eda, Live my love and breathe enough for the both of us to survive the infinite. I love you and I will love you till death do us together.
Aras,
-Imen
The Ophelia Series:
